Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Martyr No More!

Martha Washington once said...."the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispostions and not our circumstances."

Wow!!  isn't that so true!  Which leads me to a page I found today in my Alanon daily read; it says........

The unpleasant things other people say or do have no power to destroy my peace of mind or ruin my  day unless I permit it.  Do I allow myself to respond to the words of a sick person as if they were the ultimate truth?  Could I possibly be getting some benefit from accepting humiliation?  Sometimes I wonder.   I played the martyr role for a long time.  My suffering brought me a lot of attention and pity.  I grew accustomed to blaming others for my problems, and I avoided taking responsibility for my own life.  In other words, I suspect I may have benefited from my pain.  But those benefits are no longer worth the price.  Today I am finding out who I really am with the help of my Higher Power and the Alanon program.  There is a beautiful person within me who has no need to build an identity around suffering.  I am learning to let that person blossom instead of hiding behind a cloak of suffering.  I don't want to miss any more of the wonderful opportunities available to me to live, grow and enjoy.

TODAY'S REMINDER:  There is so much to appreciate in this life.  I won't waste another moment feeling sorry for myself.

What a powerful story.  I think they wrote it about me.  I see my name all over this piece.  I was so the person reflected here.  I had way too much pride to ever DARE admit I was wrong in ANYTHING I said or did.  What a stressful way to live.  I was definately a martyr.  I used to call Bruce the martyr (and although he still is) I had to "admit to myself, to God and to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs" (Step 5).  That was EXTREMELY hard for me to do.  First of all I'M ITALIAN.  We are loud, want to be heard and are clearly always right no matter what (oh and lets not forget that I am woman, too) LOL!  Anyway, I have overcome the humiliation and the suffering and it is the MOST FREEING I HAVE FELT IN YEARS!!!!  I am IMPORTANT and know that I will obtain whatever goals I set out to achieve.  No MORE feeling sorry for myself,,,,,that is long gone.  I am feeling very blessed for FINDING myself, a person who became lost over the last 16 years.  I love the person that I am and I love where I am at with my life.  I have been given so many blessings and am so grateful to God and to my friends for helping me through all the crap I had to overcome.  My life is BEAUTIFUL just like me!!!

May God continue to Bless you on your Journey In Progress!  <3